Focusing on “Now”
“A waiting person is a patient person. The word patience means the willingness to stay where we are and live the situation out to the full in the belief that something hidden there will manifest itself to us.”
― Henri J.M. Nouwen
These words are reflections of my experience so far. Through everything I have faced, learned, conquered and failed, I have slowly learned to stay in the present and worry less about what may happen down the line. In short, age has made me a tiny bit more patient.
Never would I have imagined that I would be sitting at a table in a small apartment in Curitiba, Brazil. A couple of years ago it felt as though I had lost everything. My heart ached with a heavy sorrow that I feared would never leave me. Here I was robbed of the dreams and hopes I had built for myself and with none of the will to see the next day. And yet, deep within me, God told my traumatized heart that it would survive and so I chose to see the possibilities and embrace each day as it came. It hurt to think too far beyond the next day, but today I could handle. I could pull myself out of bed and make the choices that needed to be made, take the steps needed to get me where I wanted to be without worrying too much if those steps were the right ones or what success or failure would mean. Never could I have imagined that I would find a new passion and new love. Yes, romantic love…the kind of love my reason could never contemplate as a possibility . How could such a thing coexist with the past betrayal? My trust was shattered and it still is pretty cracked. Sometimes, the fear still peaks its head in to remind me that history could repeat. I can’t escape the doubt and fear anymore than I can escape the scar on my stomach from a surgery years and years ago. But those doubts and fears belong to tomorrow and I am focused on basking on the glow of the glorious blessings of today.
When I look back over my journey thus far, I marvel at the places I’ve been led, the things I’ve accomplished, and the things that, though attempted, didn’t turn out so well. When our hearts are open to God, the possibilities are endless. There is always something hidden waiting to be discovered. We are capable of unimaginable feats…suddenly we’re in the middle of a fantastic narrative that one day a grandchild might hear with wonder. I do not pretend to have the sophistry of an exquisite theologian or the eloquence of an honored poet. I have only a very worn but intrepid heart that seeks to learn as much as possible as it moves along life’s path, and all I can do is share honestly what it feels, what it says, what the lessons have been and how God is at the center of all the good in my life. And hope that it somehow touches yours.
Patience is a difficult thing; we naturally want to know the ending to the story. But focusing on each of the chapters will help us to understand the story so much better; we will be better able to recognize the symbolism, relish the artful flourish of each detail, fully understand and empathize with the characters and be capable of properly relishing the ending when it finally does come.
A Mother’s Love
You hear over and over again the saying, “There’s nothing stronger than a mother’s love.” It is that love that we revere and honor today. That spirit of selflessness, of unconditional forgiveness, of comfort and healing, of pure devotion. It is a great visible marker of God’s goodness and grace. We traditionally call God our Father, but he is neither feminine or masculine. After all, both were created as a reflection of him, each its own unique piece to the puzzle.
We honor that reflection of God’s perfect unconditional love today. It is one of the strongest earthly examples of His love we can see. And no, no mother is perfect, but I may say at least from my own experience, there is no better way to learn what love is than through the nurturing care of a mother. Happy Mother’s Day!
Keeping God in Everything
“I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for without Me you can do nothing.” John 15:5
This was the central theme of the sermon this morning and it felt like the absolutely perfect thing to reflect on as this is the last entry that I will be writing in this part of the world. In a few days, I will be traveling south of the Equator to embark on an entirely new chapter of my life. How appropriate to remind myself that every new step I take, every new experience and every new accomplishment needs to be drawn from God. He needs to power all my steps, my choices and I need to recognize just how central he needs to be in my life. ”Without me you can do nothing.” There are so many things we take for granted, simple things that we don’t even take a second thought with. We have our routines of getting up in the morning, of how we get through the day at work, and it’s easy to start to believe that you are the one independently accomplishing what needs to get done. But once we start thinking that what we’re doing is somehow our own independent accomplishments and that the good we receive is something we deserve from our actions rather than a blessing gifted to us by our merciful and generous Heavenly Father, it’s not at all a tall leap before we’re saying that we don’t need God at all. And suddenly we’re afflicted with the same pride that did Lucifer in.
When everything is going well, it is easy to forget about God. But when something bad happens, suddenly we wonder how God could let this happen or where God is through all of it. The truth is life is full of good and bad without exemption–bad things happen to everyone as a result of our choices, as the result of others’ choices, and sometimes just out of chance. But if we let God be our core, if we let him power our lives and seek to stay close to him, then it will not matter whether our life is in a period of high or low; we will steadfastly remain in his care. His strength will allow us to surpass things we never imagined being able to endure and to accomplish things we had only dreamed of achieving and have the closest thing to peace within us that can be found on this earth. Without him we can do nothing…yes, but with him…all things are possible.
A Playful Spirit
When we are following God’s path, those around us should see it in our compassionate ways, in our devoted ways, in our joyous hearts, but in our playful spirits? Yes, I think that this too is a benefit and important piece to following the ways set forth before us by God. I came across this video of this 90 year old couple and the impromptu performance they give at the clinic: 90 Yr Old Couple Piano Performance
It reminded me that sometimes God’s love is playful. The most attractive part of this video is how much fun they are having, how much joy they are radiating and how it spills over to others. They obviously have done this before as their efforts are well coordinated, yet the way their faces beam and the energy they share are as if it is for the first time, down to the affectionate taps on each other’s bottom.
It is a gift that we want to treasure and preserve–the ability to let go and play like a child again. It brings happiness and the most worthwhile moments to our lives. When we see others live in those moments, we admire them and wish for that too. I’ve seen another example of this, much closer to me. Recently, when my parents and I were visiting my brother and his family, I saw this playfulness from my own parents. Perhaps playing with his two year old granddaughter had put him in a younger frame of mind…But as my mother was sitting still on a swing in the backyard chatting with her daughter in law, my father came up and tried to push her on the swing. At first, my mother chided him protesting that she didn’t want to swing. He playfully responded, “C’mon baby. Let me take you for a ride.” Everyone laughed so hard and eventually he was pushing her on the swing…
I think this is so important to finding our way in life and being able to be happy with it, despite the difficulties, pain, and often seemingly endless disappointment. I think it is a gift from God and I think it is one of the ways God gives us to help relationships, especially ones as difficult as marriage, last.
Inspiring Godliness in One Another
“It is not a slight thing when they, who are so fresh from God, love us” – Charles Dickens
Community and fellowship: Can one survive without it? Perhaps, but in terms of a spiritual journey it presents potentially as many advantages as disadvantages. It is unfortunate that often the very people that should be there for us as fellow Christians can at times become insulated within their sphere and be more judgmental and eager to condemn than to stretch out their hand in compassion and open their hearts and ears to what we have to say. I have repeatedly heard stories from friends of how these types of experiences turned them off to the church and to their faith entirely.
It is difficult because Christians are still human, which means they are fallible and have the same tendency towards judgment, pride, greed and all of the other flaws that gnaw at the rest of our kind. Of course, our beliefs call us to rise above these things, but as humans, we are bound to fail many times. This can be difficult to deal with, especially if we are feeling oppressed by a stranger we feel should know better. But let’s put those negative experiences to the side for the moment.
There is another face to the idea of Christian community. Perhaps you may have a few Christian friends who may or may not go to your Church. They may perhaps be a different denomination from you. But you find that at times, they remind you about God in little things they say or do at a moment when he hadn’t been on your mind at all. Perhaps they touch your heart through simple words of gratitude before a meal you share together. You admire their intentions, their struggle, their capacity to keep on trying to be the kind of person they believe in being, even though you can see the times they fall short as well. Perhaps they are sounding boards that you know you can turn to in moments of crisis and doubt to give voice to these moments of darkness without fear of judgment or chastisement. And somehow, these people who you are lucky enough to count on as friends, help you to feel so grateful for their love and support that it inspires you in your own Christian journey. I have several friends like this who I find myself constantly surprised at how grateful I am to have their love, and how surprising it is that they can remind me of God in so many mundane ways without even realizing it. It is like when we realize that God, this amazing, wonderful Father actually loves us–imperfect, constantly falling and constantly failing us. And that love inspires us to try harder to be better children for him. So too can our brothers and sisters provide that small inspiration through their actions and through their love. So let’s not forget to reach out to one another in love, even in the small things.
Welcome Joyous Easter Day!
On this beautiful Easter, I am lucky enough to be surrounded by family which fills me with profound peace and joy. I am so thankful for the miraculous salvation that allows me to have so much and for the comfort of the hope of being joined with Him one day once this life is over. I have been looking forward to this day for this whole Lenten season. My gratitude is overwhelming. It is a wonderful celebration that allows me to connect to those that I love the most before I set off for a new continent and another chapter of my life. Have a wonderful day filled with His everlasting love!
The Painful Preface
I’ve already seen people complaining about bogus blog entries on this April Fools Day, so I feel compelled to tell you that this is NOT in any way a fake or joke post. It is strange, though, that this year Palm Sunday coincides with April Fools Day. Something so serious juxtaposed with something so jovial; I suppose it is not uncommon in this crazy world of ours. But as I think about the readings we meditate on today, it almost does feel like a joke, too strange to really be believable–the idea that the same mob of people who welcomed Jesus to Jerusalem would turn so quickly to demand his crucifixion. It shows us the weakness of humanity, our propensity to be influenced by suggestion (such as the chief priests did through the ranks of the crowd at the crucial moment) and our quick willingness to judge and punish others with our righteous indignation while rarely turning it in to ourselves. I can’t think of anything scarier. Then comes sadness. Jesus not only died for us, but he suffered. That can break my heart every time. Hearing of his psychological struggle to deal with and accept his fate in the garden, his being betrayed by a close and beloved friend, then to imagine him enduring the hurt and shame of people telling lies and destroying his character in public through the “trial”, all the way to the very real, painful agony of death on the cross. His last mournful cry on the cross is so understandable, we can almost feel the weight of the pain, the weariness, the complete broken nature of a very human body. How could one person endure so much? It is startling and sobering. And it is the perfect reflection to take with us throughout this Holy Week. We all like holidays to be feel good affairs, but what makes us human, what makes us capable of being compassionate and merciful is our capacity to empathize and feel. It is just as important to cry as to laugh. Indeed, it sometimes seems that one cannot exist without the other. This week we mourn so that perhaps the joyful revelation of Easter Sunday will make us appreciate and rejoice, dance, sing and gratefully praise God all the more for our conscious appreciation of the pains needed to attain such a beautiful salvation.
